Fears of a Recovering Addict

I think I now know what addicts endure when they are attempting to break a most heinous and life-threatening habit.  I would like to believe that in a rehabilitation facility, a person decides they will change a negative behavior.  They check in.  They meet with like-minded individuals who want to make a major change as well.  They talk with therapists or counselors of some sort who give them sage advice on how to let go of their past, which most likely was toxic to them and the people around them that they cared about the most.  They have group sessions with other addicts who talk about their feeling and they do not feel alone in this scary world of conquering their fears and letting go of habits they learned to lean on because they felt so right(sometimes they had good intentions in their past lives.)  The environment is euphoric and it feels so safe because it protects them from the big, bad outside world which helped to get them in the precarious situations they found themselves in as addicts. 

However, there comes a time when they must leave this haven and go back into the cruel world which helped to make them addicts in the first place.  And they must be strong on their own, never forgetting all of the lessons they learned at this establishment.  They have to remember the talks, the sharing, and the new ways of thinking they adopted while being at the facility. 

Yet, sometimes, they get themselves in old situations with old friends and the good times roll too quickly, and they are back in a reckless spiral again.  They are repeating their bad behaviors and they abandon all they worked hard to overcome.  On the flip side, there are a number of these addicts who decide that although there are challenges with this addiction (which doesn't necessarily leave us) they want to change and be different and have a better existence.  They want to also help other addicts who may be going through the same struggles in their lives, in which they refer them to this rehabilitation clinic, which is excellent at changing people and giving them a new way of seeing the world in which they live. 

When these people feel weak or discouraged, and they feel as if they will revert back to their old ways, they call or tweet or Skype or have coffee with a friend they made in the clinic, that can encourage them and make them remember that they are not alone and it is hard in this world, but to remind them that they are amazing and will pull through. 

This is what I feel SI has been for me and will continue to be for me.  Because old habits are hard to break, I am afraid.  I do not want to revert back to the way I thought about teaching before.  So, I am counting on my counselors (Lil, Sally, Lacy, and Steve) to be there to continue to guide me on this invigorating path of renewed teaching and I am counting on all of you (my fellow SIers) to be there to talk me through a weak moment(Tiffany, Tonya, Meredith, Robin, Jenny, Erika, Sarah D., Nick, Ben, Erika, Jessica, Mary Ellen, Sarah S., Kendra, Ashley, Kim, and Wendy). 

As a recovering addict of "not-so-good-but-could-be-better-teacher-of-writing", I must also do my part in continuing to hold on to this new beginning for myself by remembering some of these lessons I don't want to ever forget:



1. Conference with my students and talk encouragingly about their writing.
2. Write encouraging and thoughtful comments on my students papers.
3. Have students write narratives about their own thinking on their writing pieces.
4. There are no "bad" writers.
5. It is important to share your writing with people.
6. Use great literature, music, and art to stimulate thoughts and ideas in my students' writing (as well as my own).
7. Find the beauty in children's writing and celebrate it.
8. There are multiple stories that exist and everyone's story should be valued.
9. Technology is not frightening.  It is a wonderful learning tool if used with care and not excessiveness.
10. Take grammar with a grain of salt because there are so many ways to use it.
11. Daybooks are essential tools and a catch-all for our most brilliant ideas and treasured memories.
12. Focus on the journey of learning my students take through the writing process, not the grade.
13. Revision is hope and second chances.
14. Heroes come in all shapes and sizes.  Always remember the story of the one being saved.
15.Teaching is a heroic thing and our students are heroic people.
16. Continue to learn through inquiry.
17. Be a great listener.
18. Never stop reading.
19. Never stop writing.
20. We are all writers.


THANK YOU SI!!!

Blurred Lines

Blurred lines are not just uncomfortable for me because I need a new prescription.  I need clarity and some type of order to feel safe and know that things are ok.  That I am on the right track and I am making progress.  This was not the case with my writing group yesterday during our work session.  We socialized, we laughed, we sang, we listened.  Yet, what I noticed in such a slow, subtle way, was that we were working!  The learning and discovery were in the background and we didn't have an outline or a graphic organizer or a plan that I could plainly see.  However, the work-got-done.  It's so funny how we can get to the same place by taking numerous paths.  The journey made me a bit nervous at first, because I remember silently panicking inside as the minutes ticked away.  It was good for me though.  This process echoes one of my life lessons that I am trying to embrace-let go! When you always try to control events that are out of your control, the only thing that ends up happening is that you go insane just a lil' bit more everyday.  This is also what happens to my brain as I sit in SI each day( see Jenny's blog for more insight on this!)  I get upset with myself because I have not changed the world yet after having these revolutionary ideas which are cooked up in my mind.  Yet, I am always hardest on myself.  I think I work best when I have some distance from the said subject and then an epiphany begins.  I am still waiting.  Thank you, Writing Group,  for teaching me lessons I don't even know I'm learning (sounds like a Jimmy Fallon thank you letter--I can hear the music in the background and I see myself writing this down in a melodramatic way)!

To Assess or Not To Assess...So Many Questions!

I am grasping for straws of inspiration about the inquiry idea.  I am feeling more unmotivated and lost than I did before last week.  It's funny because I think my sentiment was shared yesterday during my group's talk about our culminating project with our writing group.  Tiffany also echoed this sentiment as we discussed ideas during this work time.  I've really got to work through this idea of memoir and where I will go next with this topic.  Lil was concerned for me and my thoughts of reaching a dead end with topic and gave me a little nugget to chew on and investigate. 

In the meantime, Lil's lunch session about assessment was a great distraction from my inquiry woes.  We discussed issues that really hit home with me in the classroom with my students and the difficulties we all seem to have when it comes to assessing our children in writing.  I love the ideas she has about assessing their editing, ideas, and then have the students write a narrative about their writing process in which they can discuss their journey of learning.  I also had a great time chewing on the idea of creating individualized editing checklists for students which can be created during the conference time.  The students would get the responsibility of finding their own mistakes instead of us.  This is way more meaningful as they will tend to learn and grow from this process much more than us identifying them for them.  It also gave me hope and understanding that although students may be ready to talk about them and identify these common mistakes they make in grammar and spelling, it is very possible that they will continue to make these mistakes until they are ready to process them and accept them. so to speak.  I am wondering if my inquiry question is taking on a new life.

What is ironic is that this may have been one of my original questions of inquiry to begin with.  When  Steve had us looking back in our daybooks for traces of proof of our inquiry, I noticed that this was one of my possible ideas as well as the meaningful teaching of grammar in the elementary classroom.  I feel more alive when talking about this subject and I mentioned to Lacy about how I have so many more questions after discussing these new ways of looking at assessment.  I think I will have to revisit these articles Lil gave us and really peruse them this time instead of skimming them.  There may be some hidden nuggets of personal inquiry waiting to be discovered by a weary traveler in this process.  Thanks for this session, Lil! 

Found Poem (From Lisa Delpit's Article)

This is all I have tonight folks...

 

No Kinda Sense

 

She be like conflicting through my mind

People have their own language

English

Diction

Immense shame about her language

African-American child

Ebonics in the middle

Exposed

Emotional abyss

My heart sought questions

Collective shame we internalized

Enough white world

Shame

Tragedy

Incensed

Behind the outrage

Our dirty little secret

We are

Sho’ nuff the problem

Think

Years and years of too stupid

Speak English

Painful rejection

They tell me to change

I realize we’re enjoying ourselves

Embraced the bad English

Yet I feel beautiful and recognize the brilliance

Of Home

 

 

Lerng is Fun and Butifl Evry Day!

From technology overload to invented spellings, today was filled with thoughts, ideas and great demos.  I truly enjoyed becoming a kid again during Jenny's demo.  We drew, sounded out, wrote, and it was much harder than I thought!  Props to Pre-K and K teachers!!!  As this demo wrapped up, I thought about how I could build a partnership with a lower grade class such as kindergarten or first grade and have my fifth graders partner write with them.  How cool would this be?!?  My mind is racing about how this could be done and what the benefit would be for my fifth graders.  I hope they would learn to get more comfortable with the writing process by seeing how the younger ones write, trust, and are free with their words and thoughts.  This could also be a way for my struggling learners and writers to feel good about their spelling, writing, and expression.  They could be the scribes of their younger partners and talk with them about their process.  Now I have to find the right teacher who is willing to experiment with me...

I am at a wobble point with my inquiry project.  I feel that I am at a dead end with memoir and I wonder if there is something else I could do that I feel passionate about.  I was a bit lost during the search period in class when were looking at articles and writing about our thoughts (which did not happen very freely.)  I am in inquiry limbo and I feel a bit overwhelmed today.  I had to take a nap when I got home in order to clear my head and get some focus.  I hope my blurriness comes in to focus soon.  I need some direction!

Speak as the Spirit Moves You

We did. And it was beautiful!  I loved the way we just knew which words or lines to say and when to say them during the Quaker readings with Lil in the morning.  I think my favorite part of the reading was the repetition.  I never realized how powerful it could be in poetry,  or even in life.  Sometimes we have a morning mantra we repeat to ourselves.  Sometimes, we have a childhood story we love to hear over and over again.  Sometimes, we're reminding our children not to forget to brush their teeth.  And sometimes, we have to remind ourselves that we ARE writers.  I think that is why it is so powerful.  Bomer says that one of the reasons we write memoir is "to record what must never be forgotten."  So, we have permission to say things over and over again- in our speaking, writing, and living.

So what do we do when our students tell us that they have nothing to write(which will happen with at least one of your students)?  They say they just can't remember?  According to my newest friend Bomer, a memoir guru, there are three tips we can follow:(1) Trust in the process you've set up using mentor text, storytelling, and great activities which recall memories.  (2) Set up conferences with your students in order to talk more personally about their lists, sketches, etc.  Remind them to talk about what makes them feel safe and that everyday happenings can have great writing potential.  (3) Accept where they are at that time.  We don't want to put them in a place where they are terrified about writing.  They may not be ready to take the plunge.  I think we can all relate to this because memoir is so personal and there are always some memories we choose to keep buried. 

I am happy, though, that I am finding the courage to write and share.  This is why I can see why the writing group is such a very essential piece of the SI experience.  I received some wonderful feedback about my piece and I was actually excited to revise today!  Can you believe that Tonya?  Excited about revision?  What has come over me?  Oh, these sneaky, sneaky people...they really know what they're doing!

Now, on to the Socratic Seminar.  I really enjoyed myself!  This was the first time that I was able to be the participant in this process and I learned so much about how I can improve this strategy in my own classroom.  It was very cool to see how Sally mapped the conversation we had during the Bacon piece.  As for the piece itself, now that is a different story!  My initial reaction was "Ugghhh!"  It was too academic and almost like another language.  It felt so foreign to me.  Then, we started to take a crack at it in spurts by highlighting key ideas.  That help me to zoom in on the most important words, very similar to what Lil did.  Although the text wasn't as personally stimulating and enjoyable as a fictional piece, I still walked away with great information.  Discussing the piece with peers made it so much less threatening! 

The Silent Wonders and Mystery Funk of Revision

Hope.  Esperanza.  I wish I knew this beautiful word in more languages than two.  It is what gets us out of the bed in the mornings.  It is reinvention.  Revision can be a more positive experience if one views this process through Bomer's eyes.  She makes you think about second chances and the ability to have a "do over" with your work.  I pray that I can remember her soft, wise words when I am in this process later on this evening.  I hope my students will learn to view this process as hopeful as well.   It is so hard to put on a new lens and look at your writing from a new perspective, as this may be one of the most important parts of the process yet.  However, looking at Cindy Urbanski's work allows us to flip our pieces upside down and switch our points of view.  How else can we get a twentieth chance, if not from revision? 

Now, my thoughts are moving in a slightly different direction.  When is a piece dead?  When should you abandon it and start over?  My fear is that I may need to do this with my own personal attempt at memoir writing.  I like how memoirists take little drops of memories from their lives and collect them into one pool.  The challenge is ensuring that each drop is equally as strong as the other.  This seems daunting, since I am starting from the beginning "and miles to go before I sleep."  I am excited and afraid about what my Writing Group peeps will say about this budding idea.  I need some direction!

Wobble Baby, Wobble Baby, Wobble!

My head is spinning!  I am thinking about so many things that happened today.  However, what really spoke to me is this idea of assessing writing in the classroom.  Is it even possible to come up with a rubric or formula in order to grade students fairly on their writing?  Do I bring the students' thoughts and opinions into this process?  Will what I think about assessing writing match my co-workers? Principal? District?  How do we get to a place of reflection where we are better thinking of this idea of assessment and doing something about changing or improving the way we assess writing?  It is one of the reasons why I HATE to give writing assignments because I have to determine a way to give a letter grade to a piece. 

However, after reading Peter Elbow's article, I can at least feel better about the conference and the responding to my students' work.  I am so much more mindful about what I will say and do during this process.  I felt as if he was talking about me when he mentioned the vague comments and not using "I" statements when responding to our students' writing.  I LOVED the idea of having the students write a letter in which they will put their writing in context, also called "process writing."  He is so thoughtful in many aspects of commenting on the work.  I am definitely building up a great arsenal of tools to use with my kids on improving writing instruction.  I've only been here a total of 4 days (including orientation) and I feel that I have gotten so much of what I signed up for.   Go UNCCWP!!!

Busy Writing Beavers

Today was a very eventful day in the UNCC Writing Project.  There was so much to do today and we worked almost non-stop.  Although the day flew by at hyper-speed, there were many activities I quite enjoyed.  The day started right with Dunkin Donuts and a cool Ted Talk by Chimamanda Adiche on "The Danger of a Single Story."  I loved so much about this presentation: her easy way of talking, the usage of humor, her experiences.  She discussed the dangers of having too few connections with real people and their cultures, which could cause others to think that all of Africa looks only one way and that all Mexicans were running for the border to ruin the lives of random Americans.  I thought it was interesting that Adiche created stories with characters that looked or acted nothing like her!  Where were the stories of little Nigerian girls with braided hair and chocolate skin?  I couldn't imagine not being able to show my children the many stories that exist in the world, including ones that reflected who they are.  Scary thought!

I also enjoyed the Asset Mapping activity.  It was nice to be able to choose where I fit in as opposed to the other way around.  The Oral History interviews were a pleasant surprise as well.  My partner Ben and I got to tap into each other and get a sense of where we would like to go with writing and education.  Very valuable.

My final thought left me the most hopeful-my Writing Group.  We immediately fell into sync with each other, sharing personal stories and eating our bagged lunches in Tonya's funky office space.  Although we didn't all get to share( no worries-I really wasn't mentally ready anyway), I now feel more comfortable about doing so in the future.  It was a wonderful, non-threatening environment where I feel my ideas will be nurtured and taken seriously.  Thanks ladies!  I almost feel the need to create a cheesy moniker that will recapture the time we shared together...ok, maybe that's going too far.  I honestly can't see Sally allowing that anyway.  However, I was caught up in the moment.  It was really great.  I think I am getting to the point where I can actually call myself (gasp) a real writer!

Now...facing my demo.  Be kind WP peeps, be kind!

Day 1 Didn't Kill Me...It Made Me Stronger!

I cannot believe that the first day is done!  The time actually flew by and I quite enjoyed myself.  I went from zero to hero in the tech world.  I am now officially a blogger and a tweeter of all things writing...well sort of.  This is so great for me because I have been running from these digital literacies for some time and of course, our students crave them.  However, I don't want to embark upon them just for the sake of their current "hotness".  I want to use them meaningfully in my writing instruction, with just enough of a hook to keep my students sharing and exploring their written minds without me goading them constantly. 

Another fun surprise I had today was with creating our "Writing Experiences Timeline".  I have done this activity before so I didn't think it would change in any way.  I was totally wrong!  I remembered events in my writing life which I had forgotten and in this space, I was able to recall more positive experiences in my timeline.  I must now search for some past writings which may inspire my new piece I hope to create in this Writing Project session.  I am so grateful to the WP team.  You truly know your stuff!

Day 2...Bring it on!

Reflection on May's Orientation

After attending the UNCC Writing Project Orientation in May, I was excited to jump into reflecting on my fears and apprehensions about teaching writing to my students.  I do realize that the connection between looking at myself as a writer and owning this does directly affect my ability to teach writing in the most effective way.  I was also quite afraid of the many channels connecting us to the technological world.  I am by nature a low-tech person and I run away from all of these popular avenues.  This, however, is not possible during the Writing Project, which is actually a great thing!  I need to push myself to confront these fears and Just Do It like Nike!